Milk.

Today we're going to cover a very serious topic. I've postponed it for far too long, and the world needs to be educated. Today we're talking about milk. That's right. The title up there wasn't just a creative little thing I came up with all on my own. We're speaking the truth right now. No holding back. I'm saying what needs to be said. Let's continue:

You walk into a grocery store looking for milk! You head straight to the refrigerated section - Stop right there! You've already gone too far. You have a puzzled look on your face. Must I remind you that we're in a French grocery store? You nod in recognition and turn back towards the refrigerators. Stop!! Did you not just hear what I said? French. In France. Things are different here. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto. This is the real world. You look at me in bewilderment. You're thinking, Where do I go? If it's not in the refrigerated section.. Am I at the wrong place? Do they have separate milk stores in France?

Oh, silly, silly you. You've got one thing right - the grocery store is where you need to be! But let me guide you, past the aisle of bread (Don't even think about pausing for a second. That's dangerous stuff right there!), through the dry sections of the grocery store, until we find ourselves in the Dairy aisle. But wait, you think. There aren't any refrigerators here! All I see are boxes and bottles of bleach! You must be wrong. But, oh no, my friend. I'm not wrong. You've just reached the milk section. It's a bit unnerving, isn't it? You could be looking at a long road of recovery. It comes with time. Now take a step. That's it, just a bit more.. There! The milk is in front of you. What?? I see why you're confused. The milk looks like this:

Oops, that's the mug shot!

This one's less menacing. Do you see how this milk and bleach are cousins? Very close cousins? This milk screams bleach when you're walking down the dairy aisle and you just stare in confusion.

And the boxed milk. A bit familiar, right?

Now let's tackle the big question. Why aren't these boxes of milk in the refrigerator? Well friends, take a look at the bleach - I mean milk - up there. You should see something that says "Stérilisé UHT". Do you know what that means? This milk is long-life. It ain't fresh. No, no, sir. This milk can sit in the cabinet with the vacuum cleaner for weeks or months, if you so wish, and you can take it out and use it whenever you please! Personally, though, this long-life milk only flies when it has some Nesquik mixed in with it. That's the real way to go. And I wasn't exaggerating about the vacuum cleaner cabinet. That's where it is! Once that baby's been opened though, it goes into the fridge (Thankyouthankyouthankyou!). 

And that's all we have on today's news. I'm Elizabeth Ollero, bringing world news to you!